Under New Management

Category: Hot Off The Presses

Monday, June 2, 2003

Now that the FCC has ruled that giant media corporations can legally swallow up what remains of local outlets, I'm proud to be able to announce a bold new direction for this blog:

Just Well Mixed has been purchased by Clear Channel Communications!

From now on we'll be ditching the thin soup of tech news, political ranting, and goofy pictures that you've been getting from this blog. In their place, we'll proudly be presenting all the content that our extensive market research has determined you really want:

• Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Are they happy? Are they fighting? Special reports every hour, on the hour.
• A New Weekly Opinion Column: "Why President Bush Is Right"
• J. Lo., J. Lo., J. Lo! Hard-hitting coverage of the issues the other blogs won't touch: what's she wearing, who's she dating, what's in her pre-nup.
• Financial News You Can Use: A housewife in West Virginia has made ten trillion dollars selling troll dolls on eBay. We'll show how you can do the same!
• Celebrity Screw-Up Report: Yes, those wacky celebrities are always locking their keys in their car, losing their Faberge eggs in the couch, or forgetting to close the blinds before getting stoned and banging a bongo drum in their living room. Our Celebrity Screw-Up Report will help you forget your own shortcomings by exposing those of actors and singers!

And all this will be delivered in the bland, inoffensive way that you expect from Clear Channel. Never again will you be offended by what you read! Or angered, or provoked, or anything else for that matter. At Clear Channel, we read the bad news so you don't have to!

In conclusion, we'd just like to give a shout out to our new corporate masters! Just Well Mixed is thrilled to be a member of the Clear Channel brain-sucking zombie collective family.